"MAE"

I lay here, like so many countless times before,

staring blankly at the shadows on my wall.

Outside, the night air creeps into the bedroom through the window.

It’s cool.

The very thought of closing my eyes causes me to hitch a breath.

My heart flutters…

then I close them. Slowly.

Like praying this time I can stay

where I meet you.

Always you.

Mae.

How many times have I wept just to see you again?

Never knowing if… or when.

The long and restless nights—

I struggled to believe you were still there.

Yet… here. With me.

I know there is so much between us now.

But never like this.

…not like this.

Behind my eyelids, you are there.

The room is just as it always was—

chaos.

Ours.

You… the way you’d hang out everywhere

like it was always a circus

just for us.

How the candlelight cascades across your timeless face…

the way your eyes find me,

catch me,

and keep me.

I can almost smell your skin…

delicate and fair,

with that subtle hint of sweet lily.

I miss your voice.

I miss your love—your heart, your laugh, your spirit.

And I don’t know if you even want me in your life…

but I always see you.

I have always loved you.

Always.

And forever.

My Mae.

—Christopher